Thursday, May 26, 2011


This is to simply give you the facts about the common "scorpion woman". I have taken a scientific stand point to help further educated the un-ugg-ucated.  NOW YOU MUST NORTH-FACE THE FACTS! 

      Scorpions come in many body types, sizes, and colors, but most of the ones you'll see usually pale gold or tan (mostly artificial) in color. Although some scorpions in other parts of the world can be 4 feet or taller, most of the adult scorpions in college towns are probably less than 5’ 5”.  They have a brown or tan boots at the ends of their legs. The boots are called “uggs”.

             There are about 90 species of scorpions in the United States and and estimated 1,500 species worldwide. There are more than 40 species in every college. Those numbers are constantly changing as new species are discovered; classifications change, and some species become extinct.

         Scorpions hide under rocks or debris. They live in crawl spaces and can be often found in college dormitories or your local college frat house. 

       They are active and feed at night. The scorpions that are native to colleges typically eating pizza, wings and other various types of fried food, chased by large amounts of cheap flavored vodka often disguised in Poland spring bottles.

     They hide during the day. If awoken during the day they often don’t check their shoes and clothes before putting them on.  If you live in an area where there are likely to be scorpions be warned they look different in the sun light.

              If you live in an area where there is a lot of construction, you may be more likely to find scorpions inside because their outdoor habitat has been disturbed.

       They can live for months on just vodka. Because they are not looking for water, you may find them in the local pubs or sports bars.

   Scorpions can live to be over 26 years old. (although not likely)

       Scorpions sting. But you knew that, or you wouldn't be reading this! A scorpion sting may result in some pain, itching, swelling, or tenderness of the area. If you are stung by a scorpion, here's what you do:

       The great majority of scorpion stings occur at night and when you may least expect it. Watch where you step with bare feet, and watch where you reach with your hands!

      In the western U.S. only one species of scorpion is considered very dangerous to humans. It is called the college Scorpion. It is straw colored or opaque and usually less than 5’ feet tall. The college Scorpion is most dangerous if the person stung has an allergic reaction Most people assume they are seeing the most dangerous scorpion when they see any scorpion. I suppose it's safest to make that assumption, since most people don't want to get close enough to distinguish the various species from one another!

 Bad news: every year many people in the world die from scorpion stings.

 Good news: hardly anyone ever dies because antivenin is available for severe cases. According to the University of Arizona "in the past 20 years there have been no reported fatalities in the U.S. due to scorpion stings. Yet. " 

1 comment: